Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Reflection: Is it in my Genes? (I)

I'm not fearful of incoming information over in Squidoo-land; thus I allow comments and dialogue on the more occasional blog posts that I write there. Coming home in tears one day -- I think I'm about to do something tears, I'm close enough to feel the fear tears -- I felt the impulse to post this particular on my Squid blog first... before this one even. The post that I am reprinting here I actually had up at the time of that write-up that I shared in Another's Images.

I've been contemplating the various factors that affect how other's view me, and the credence they put in things I express. I've also very much been contemplating genes. There are multipe themes in this post that you can expect me to return to:

"I express well in writing, and sometimes I’m very glad for that… on a personal level.

I’m getting ready — at least I think I’m getting ready! — to write a letter to a nurse… a nurse I respect, one who struck me as both more knowledgeable and more respectful the doctors I have known. I don’t make a good impression on doctors. I’m afraid of medical prefessionals, but my demeanor doesn’t mean that I’m ignorant, or irrational. I’m sure I’m not alone in saying that doctors have often treated me like I was very small.

So I’m going to write to a particular nurse, and I’m going to explain in the most courteous manner I can that I don’t really want to hear anyone’s opinion, and that I don’t really want to talk. I want blood. I want genetic testing. I’d rather not spend hundreds of dollars out of pocket, of course (I don’t have a lot at this point) but if I have to, I will. I just need to put it all in someone else’s hands.

I could chicken out or postpone the ordeal — I have been doing that for over a year. But I will say it felt a little less daunting to take those first steps when I realized I have some very relevant posts on my Evening Nigh Reflections blog… a few relevant lenses and articles. I don’t have a lot to say, but I can sift through my writings and pass along a few links.

Those who read this post can probably see why my web personas get wary of each other. 'You do what you need to do,' said TBT, 'You do what you need to do for both of us, but if you’re going to issue memos like this from our joint headquarters, make sure you keep on referring to me by my initials only'..."