Reflection: Monotropism and Music

I understand the kind of pleasure that music gives: a pleasure that's built on emotion and repetition. I don't always quite grasp the notion of pleasure in variety.

I was writing to a friend and lamenting some of those same issues I talked about in "Making Sense of Monotropism":  The odd phenomenon of experiencing repetition and momentum as pleasure... and failing to experience it normally in novelty.

"You know what can be more difficult than two hours at a job I don't like?  Two hours at a movie.  If I am with someone I am attached to, it's no problem.  I can sit there and listen to them breathe.  That will keep me amused. So what if there's a movie going on in the background? It's okay. I can handle that it's there. I just won't... watch it."

He said he had a hard time focusing on most movies because they were "formula crock". (No, I didn't change the vocabulary there.)

Something was similar on the surface -- but something was opposite.  My response:

"You don't like formulaic crock? :)  Hmmm.  Formulaic crock is repetitive, but not repetitive enough for me. They change the characters and stuff from one formulaic movie to the next, yes?  I know they change the scenes.  So it's not repetitive to anywhere near the level that a song is repetitive. 

It takes so much time to get in-depth into... oh, caring about the plot and characters, I guess is part of it. I just can't focus much of my attention on it until I do.  But then sometimes I do kind of... by the time it's over.  So then I'd rather see the same one over again than see a new one! I am not the only person to experience that.  But I've known people to explain the phenomena from the outside and explain it in a way that doesn't fit my experience. In my experience it has nothing to do with wanting the world to have a safe, predictable structure.  Predictability, yes, is a part of it, but it's for the sake of pleasure, not safety.  Most people have some understanding of that type of pleasure -- music is based partly on predictability and repetition.  It can evoke pleasure on just a straight neural level when a word rhymes with one in the line before. And when the refrain... repeats.  And it can get even better after you know the song!  

But most people, most of the time, outside of a few little things like music,associate pleasure with novelty. That's one area where it's hard for me to understand the world.  And vice versa."   

In Between: Tunes our Minds Play

I never know what song I will hear in Walgreen's -- or what my ears will tell me I heard. I have located the song now on Youtube, and the refrain is "Burnin' for you". Ah, but what I heard (over and over and over) there in Walgreen's was "I'm done running, I'm 32."

Reflection: Kyrie...

Kyrie Eleison: a Greek prayer. Across a lot of my life, I have closed letters to particular people with "God bless". Since the word "blessings" carries such a unique meaning in Squidoo culture -- and one can't necessarily go about it for general purposes -- well, I thought I should look up a new blessing.

I didn't now the spelling of "Kyrie Eleison" well enough to enter it the search engine and find out... how to spell it -- but I did find the phrase promptly upon typing "Carry a Laser" into Google. (Carry a laser down the road that I must travel, Carry a laser through the darkness of the night...)

While searching through my files for a picture for this post... I had no awareness of having I clicked on any music files, but I guess I must've because Windows media player popped up and (aptly) began playing Joshua Kadison's "Born to Shine":

...Got on the bus today... didn't get off I just knew I had to take a ride... a strange man sitting right next to me said, "I can feel what your eyes can see, don't you worry, brother, everyone's doing fine"... something must have changed cause somehow everyone seemed blessed.

I am your reflection, and you are mine, all of us reflections of the light divine, so shimmer, little one, you were born to shine...

Indeed.

(Editorial Note: The next post may crop up under this one -- again.)

Reflection: Synchronicity (Once in a Lullabye)

Back in Seattle. I did see my mother when I was in Phoenix. A month ago, my brother would have been quite surprised to know that that she would have lived anywhere near this amount of time, still waking enough from a late Altzeimer's slumber to take in a little water and nourishment. I had read that people may respond to music when they respond to little, so I sang something we used to sing in the car when was little, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow". (Of course my mother has not known who any of us are for quite a long time.)

On the way back to Seattle, I was thinking about it, and "Over the Rainbow" was going through my head. But then it was being sung out loud, too -- quite near me there in the Greyhound bus. A bored little girl, just four or five, was singing to amuse her mother and herself.

There's a land I heard of, once in a lullabye...

Photo: Tina Philips, Free Digital Photos

Memory (From Before My Time): Women Who Flew

The woman in the musical slideshow is Bessie Coleman, a famous aviator from before any of our time -- I think somebody selected a stunning song for that video. Bessie was African American, but I do see a bit of resemblance (appearance or aspect?) between some of her pictures and long long ago pictures of my mother.

One of the more surprising things about 'the mother I never really knew' is that she earned a pilot license. I have a new piece on Squidoo titled Pioneering Women Pilots . The name may change to "My Mother and Other Women Who Flew" particularly if my brother is able to put his hands on enough artifacts.

Reflection: Lenses and Lensographies

I type my blog entries at home, but often I do most of the composing out and about. A few hours back (on a bus) my mind was tossing around a possible 'clever lead-in' for this post. Tired now, I decided to forego the witticisms, and just discuss and give links to some off-site writings...

I put up a second Williams Syndrome piece, Williams Syndrome and Music. I've got several videos included in the piece-- it can be good to enter some more esoteric key word strings sometimes: The video of the little girl giving a rocking (literally!) rendition of "Jesus Loves Me" has been viewed by many people, but the fifteen-year-old with the piano compositions... well, that hasn't been watched much at all. A lot of quality things get buried on YouTube and Google and life.

One of the other things I put up... well, it's a term most people wouldn't recognize because some 'squid' invented it. Most people who write 'seriously' for Squidoo put up a lensography: They arrange their writings/lenses by topic and maybe write a bit of autobiography around them. It's for one's friends and fellow writers, moreso than for the world at large, but it can help people find your writings. I put up Evening Nigh Reflections Lensography. (The web personas are sharing an account, but that doesn't mean they're going to share a lensography -- ah, no, this one belongs to Evening Nigh.)

I've had that lensography up for the better part of a week, and it's the one, among the very recent ones, that's doing best in Squid-Land -- it has a few 'squid angel' blessings at this point. There are links on it to a few pieces that I haven't discussed on this blog. Someone might want to locate A Paper Doll Childhood and print out some dolls for my little niece; the little niece who's old enough to wield scissors will find some interesting cutting there. (I'll add that paper dolls is not such an odd topic for a lens -- there are a handful of modestly successful lenses on the topic on Squidoo -- and that one is off to a pretty good start, too.)

In-Between: Misheard Song Lyrics of the '80s

Go on and close your eyes, imagine me there

We can sit on the beach, with longer hair

-Melissa Etheridge, Similar Features

Don't make me yodel!

-Belinda Carlisle, Don't Make Me Over

When life gets tough, long-winded baby...

Steve Winwood, Roll With It

Reflection: A Musical Addendum

It was right after I wrote Listening to Lenses Again that I put up another music page. Some people may wonder why I haven't put up more of those. Well, I have trouble checking artists' web pages. (It has to do with that odd phobic fear of things happening to people. I am protective of my favored artists, in a helpless sort of way.)

In response to a Squidoo challenge, I did manage to call up the web page of a second or third favorite artist and I wrote Listening in on Joshua Kadison. This one has 3 Amazon MP3 modules, and quite a bit of video. It also has a lot of my own writing -- and I hope you can appreciate how very audience-driven it is.

Today I've been writing "Listening to Caffeine" (No, actually the caffeine isn't playing piano, or singing either) and I'll link to that one sometime later.

Reflection: Listening to Lenses Again

Two of my 'lenses', both music-related, were quietly added to the sidebar a couple days back. Yup, I've been listening to lenses again. The one that I most enjoy listening to is Mental Illness: Songs For the Journey. I included an Amazon MP3 module with a dozen or so songs, and also three videos whose creators must have poured a lot of care into them. Two are music slideshows. The "Let Your Soul Be Your Pilot" video gives pretty much a line by line interpretation of Sting's song, and I would describe it as quite clever... "I'll Stand By You" I would describe as absolutely stunning. It's one of those YouTube videos that has been watched about a gazillion times and may well have more 'page rank' than anything else its creator has ever put on the internet.

The other webpage, Songs of My Childhood, is lighter fare. That piece also includes an Amazon MP3 module and a few videos; part of the text came from an essay I wrote a few years back. It was a response to a challenge posted on the forums... and if I were someone's brother, I would view a particular photo, and what it says under the photo, with a sense of humor.

Reflection: No, No, I'm a RocketMom!

There are two songs going around my head, both by Elton John. But let me backtrack a moment.

There has been some controversy, on Squidoo, about a group called RocketMoms: Do they get preferential promotion, and, if so, is it discriminatory, as the group is open to less than half of the population? Some people feel quite strongly about this issue. I believe that the latest flurry of communication traces to a person who expressed that it was difficult enough to not have the opportunity to be a mom without watching a group of mothers get preferential treatment, business-wise.

Many people have been on those forum threads, offering heartfelt opinions on both sides of the issue. One comment that was humorous, if not 100% appropriate: that on the internet, anyone who chose could be female. Hmmm... On the one hand, I do believe internet relationship should be based on trust. On the other hand, it has gotten easier, since the days of Tootsie... Picture this scenario: A man, struggling with his freelance career, considering possibly an expose, infiltrates Rocket Moms. The situation becomes more complex when he -- a single father -- falls in love with one of the moms.

One of the songs in my head is quite serious: "I need you, before I'm too old, to have and to hold..."

The other is lighter fare: "I'm not the mom they think I am at all. No, no, I'm a Rocket Man!"

Reflection: Seattle Scenes

When I made my first little Animoto video of Seattle scenes (Trying to Set a City to Music), I was a little disconcerted by the particular lyric where my "Don't cross here" sign put in its appearance. Later, I decided it was funny. I've got another little Animoto short, with several "signs of Seattle". When I came across this particular song clip on the Animoto site, I thought it would be a nice accompaniment for Seattle signs. The twin "Use Crosswalk" signs appear a picture or two before they ideally should, so the joke isn't quite so apparent as it might be, but this Animoto short still very much appeals to odd little me. I added it to my "Step Into Seattle" page on Squidoo.

One (more)thing I like about putting things on that site: They do reward you for updating your pages regularly. As a person who has trouble resisting the impulse to go back and edit even their blog entries -- I try to keep that to a minimum --republishing pages is rather up my alley. I made a joke in an earlier post about how the Seattle lens had debuted a number 800-and-something thousand on Squidoo, but had ambitions. A couple days ago, it was closer to number 3,000 (#22 in 'local'). Those pages can flunctuate quite a bit according to various things.

Reflection: Listening Across Time and Space

I've been listening to my Squidoo page, Going Greyhound Without Going Crazy. Now you might be thinking that there are a lot of interesting people in the word to converse with, and wondering just what my Squidoo page would be doing that's got me listening to it with such rapt attention. Well, you see... it sings. I added an Amazon module with some clips of road songs and other songs about going home: It's got two separate songs titled "Home" in addition to "Homeward Bound", "Travelin' Blues", "Teach Your Children Well" (You, who are on the road, must have a code...)

So I am intending to have 50 of those pages completed and become a 'Big Squid' along about this summer. Some webpages have more of me in them than others. This Greyhound piece is a fairly straightforward commercial piece, with the exception of a couple things like... well, the ad modules. My netbook is recommending a particular carrying case for travel. If one reads the fine print of that Amazon module, they will see that, in addition to its other fine attributes, the netbook case is quite comfy, or at least that I've heard that it is, though I can not actually fit inside it myself.

I'm not real good at doing the commercial thing -- I tend to do what pleases my heart and/or aesthetic sensibilities. But, since so many things in life have 'theme songs' that Amazon module is handy. I'm planning on putting up a couple more 'lenses' soon that include music modules: Amazon and YouTube. One lens is going to use, as its main text, an essay from I wrote a few years back. School will resume next week -- with just a few more weeks before semester break, but honestly, the most useful thing I can probably do this week is keep my nose to the... internet: internet writing, internet teaching...

I've got projects -- some personal, some bigger than personal -- that I'll write about soon.

Refection: Outside the Rain Begins...

For most of my adult life, I've had a rain song: some particular song that begins playing in my head, in almost clockwork fashion, when those torrents come. Sometimes it's been the same song for years at a stretch. When I lived in Tucson -- yes, across that whole span of years -- the song was "Outside the rain begins, and it may never end..." (Kind of an odd image, I know, for Tucson -- with its sudden downpours and its months of drought.)

When I moved to Seattle the song abruptly switched: "The fog meets the beaches, and out on the reach, it is rain-ning." Later it became "Come in from the rain." And for a period of time, following a drought, the lyrics were my own odd creation: "Rain on Seattle, the way it should be..."

Our minds are so different, aren't they, in ways that aren't at all apparent from the outside? There's a reason why I so often quote song lyrics: I scarcely have a thought, or a feeling, that doesn't trigger a lyric. Ah , and it doesn't necessarily even take a true emotion or true thought; a simple two-word phrase may have some stock lyric attached to it. Perhaps eventuallyI'll be able to explain the neurobiology of it. Today I'll just describe: The word "Thank you," -- flashed across a computer screen, after I've filled out some form or other -- well, that triggers "Thank you for the kindness and your stories of the road..." And that "home" button on each page of my blog (under the bottom post and above the eduFire button and the quotes)? "How much I wanted you home."

Reflection: A Blue Light Off Ravenna Creek

My blog's wearing a new header, and for the first time, the header is made from a picture that I took myself. I was out last weekend taking pictures to illustrate various projects. I knew there was a brilliant light reflected off Ravenna Creek; I was surprised, though, when I scanned, how very blue the one picture looked -- and how well the tones matched the blog's color scheme. The cover picture on this 'Animoto short' is made from the same picture as the header. All the pictures in this bitty video are of Ravenna Creek -- two taken a few years back, the rest just the other day -- and they're paired with a song clip I very much like.

I've been doing a lot of off-site writing: Expect links links within a day or two... to some writing that means a lot to me, and that I really want to share.

In-Between Reflection: U-District Serenade?

I have always sung to myself, under my breath, as I'm walking around. I've been doing it so long that I generally just take for granted that nobody can hear me. I wonder if I was audible this evening. A couple people looked back at me and laughed. A quick scan revealed that my fly was zipped, and there was no toilet paper attached to my boots... so I'm guessing probably I was audible.

Reflection: Trying to Set a City to Music

This little clip was not included in my Seattle Squidoo Page(though eventually I will put one in). I selected a song clip that I thought was appropriate for a piece about a place, though the line "Time and time again, I've watched you sleep," did give me slight pause. It gave me more pause when... well, I'd included, amidst the nature photos, a picture of 45th Ave, with Seattle's Best Coffee in the background and a "Don't Cross Here: Use Crosswalk" sign in the foreground. On the line, "I've watched you sleep," what do you know, that picture appeared, and I won't go so far as to say that the sign got up in my face, but it did move forward a bit.

This is how the program works: I put the photos in order, and, after analyzing the pictures and audio, Animoto does the animations and transitions. Our combined artistry was lower on this piece, but I'm fond of listening to it, nonetheless. I may have enough photos of Ravenna Park in the snow to do that as its own 30 second video. Theoretically, I can put it onto Squidoo.

Reflection: Okay, I Sang It...

Here's another Animoto short: verse 1 of the "Time After Time" project I was talking about. Okay, I did end up singing it! The artist is listed as "I'm singing rather poorly" -- but this is really for just a few people, and I think they'll see why I'm proud of the piece regardless.

I mentioned before... The "Thinking of You" card that appears in here was given to me by my friend, Bette.

Reflection:...Hear the Clock Tick, and I Think of You...

The card pictured here -- "Thinking of You" -- was given to me by my friend Bette when I came to Seattle. It was one of several things that I scanned for use in a particular project. I decided a while back that I wanted to do a homemade video -- I want to open up, in Windows on my computer screen, faces and places from long-ago co-op days, all to the tune of the song "Time After Time". (The idea grew from a play on words in an earlier post: "You're watching through Windows, you're wondering if I'm okay...")

Well, my free Jing program allows me to record five minutes of screen capture as video, and it will also record whatever audio... that I record into the microphone. Hmmm... It was not actually my intent to sing the song myself; it's not something I was cut out to do...

Memory: My Hands (Are Small I Know...)

I don't think I was intentionally clowning around in this old photograph; my hands were simply making themselves comfortable by hitching a ride. I have a batch of pictures, taken when I was about four, and in shot after shot, those hands steal the show. I don't have many old photos -- I don't know what my brother did (or did not do) with the pictures that remained in the apartment after my father died. I'm glad that I do have this batch. There is an odd rhyme that I made up when I was a child: "Goodness knows, the puppy's pose/It's more to life than what it knows." Indeed. It may be that those hands (and arms) are a clue to the things I was diagnosed with and the things I never was. It may be that my posture (and few people who've met me have failed to note the posture!) is a clue as to genetics. Time will answer.

I wrote in an earlier post (Modeling the Latest in Hypertonic Arm Posture) how people have often interpreted the arms-drawn-up-to-the-chest posture as fearful. But in multiple pictures, you can find a bright, laughing four-year-old with her arms drawn up like a chipmunk -- it's indicative merely of muscle tone. Hand wringing is also a neurological thing. It's no sign of distress, but it can be a source of distress when people misinterpret it. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, but my body language has often caused people to invent some other person, with an entirely different set of strengths and weaknesses.

Walking near Madrona Grocery Outlet -- the area where I was once grabbed and robbed -- I find myself singing, "My hands are small, I know, but they're not yours, they are my own." In some ways that song may not seem to fit me. Ah, but it's my heart that I give away to other people! My hands are, and always have been, my own.

Memory: When the Music Plays...

I walk into Walgreen's, and I hear that song... Flashback to a time when children made friendship pins for their sneakers out of beads and safety pins -- and those pins were easier to come by in drama class than they were in regular school. I was Mathilda Mouse that year in a production of Aesop's Falables, a jazzed up versions of Aesop's fables, where the stories all blended into each other and the characters made cameos in each other's fables. There was a wolf who was focused mostly on how hungry he was until... well, I think he did get reformed by the end of the play.

Sitting in a Safeway parking lot long ago, I told my brother that the song "Hungry Like the Wolf' reminded me of our drama class. (My take on that song was at the time quite literal.)

Back to the present: Alan, of eduFire, has a number of web resources designed to use music as a bridge across populations, cultural as well as neurological. Some of that material is on the sidebar now. And I am linking right here to another WS video -- this one of a young woman singing "The star Spangled Banner" before a game.